“Listen, here's what I think. I think that we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think... we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create... and who we include.” Father Henri - Chocolat

These words came to mind with poignancy this weekend. Why is that? No, it wasn’t the Christmas season, but the act of denying my daughter’s father his right to hold her during a blessing. He is not a member of the Mormon Church and as such doesn't “hold the Priesthood”. Because of this he was “unworthy” to hold his daughter while my father (her grandfather) gave her a blessing. In one unchristian act a man “acting with the authority of God” wounded my husbands heart and undid all my years of trying to help my husband come to love the Gospel of Christ as put forth in the LDS church.

“Don’t bother sending missionaries – ever” he said and “I thought when we got married I wouldn’t have a problem raising our children LDS, but now . . . “ Thanks to one Pharisee who was so compelled to follow the rule book instead of doing what was right, my family has been hurt. I can’t help but agree with my husband, however, what kind of a Christian church excludes the father of an innocent child! It is interesting that we – who let Kathryn be blessed for her sake – were the more Christian party in this whole thing. All he waned to do was HOLD HER ON HIS LAP! Instead they held her in a circle and bounced her so she cried and fussed the whole time.

I’m taking a break from going to church; not that I was terribly active to begin with, but when a wound is struck in the name of Christ, a wound that was wrong, that wound bleeds ever so much more and I don’t need to rub salt in it.

Badap Bum Bum

Merry Whatever

Well it’s a week to Christmas and I’ve not really gotten in the “spirit” of the thing, unless you count Bah-Humbugging. I’ve been really down and grumpy for a good couple of weeks or more. I’m not a social individual and all the “company” and getting together required just sets me on edge.

My poor husband has been snapped at so much he probably thinks I’ve been turned into a strange version of Hungry-hungry Hippo. I need a vacation and chocolate. I got him a “neat” gift, but than he made some comments that have sent me scrambling for another gift. * Sigh* back to square one. I’ve gotten a few things for the Bug, but she’s still to little to notice that Christmas is any different than other days. Gifts for all but one friend are still not done (cuz that one got a gift certificate).

My churches sacrament service last Sunday was the “Christmas” program and it was almost exactly the same as last year. Though, when they were singing a song that spells out Christmas apparently “I is for Emmanuel”. Laughed a lot on the inside.

Why don't people just sing the Christmas songs traditionally anymore? Why do we have to funk them up or turn them into a medley? Isn’t a song the same as a prayer unto the Lord? When the churches loose site of Christmas you know you’re in trouble.
I’m over Christmas already, but it’s only about to start. I have half a mind to get something for me and put a “from Santa” label on it. *shrug *

Thoughts as the Season Starts

The Season is once again upon us. That time of the year when shops fill with an overabundance of disposable gifts. Trinkets and nick-knacks that will inevitably end up in a drawer, box or bin filled with the “gee, thank you” gifts of past celebrations. I am not saying that all gifts are bad or that the giving of objects is wasteful, but the last thing anyone needs is another automatic match lighter or a clean-o-matic or some such thing.

My Daughter has only recently mastered smiling, the giggle is a work in progress, and she can only sort-of to hold her bottle. Needless to say, holding a pencil and writing a wish list to Santa may be a bit difficult. But, this year will be my daughter's first Christmas and I’m sure that Santa has already added her to his Good list, which means that a stocking must be found and a wish list made.

I have spent quite some time listening to her and her wish list is as follows:

To be greeted with a smile when I wake
To be rocked when I’m sleepy
To be fed when I’m hungry
To get that last burp up
To have a clean bottom
To not spit up on Mommy and Daddy (or Grandma and Grandpa)
To be swaddled and kept warm
To have my tears wiped away
To be comforted when frightened
To get better at peek-a-boo
To have an endless supply of clean binkies
To play in the water (and pretend I’m not taking a bath)
To play with my toys
To hold my bottle with out help
To hold onto Mom's hair
To lick Dad's popsicle
To make bubbles with my spit
To gurgle my R's for as long as I want
To learn to crawl
To listen to beautiful music
To be kissed
To be hugged
To be tickled
To be read to
To be taken for long walks
To be shown the wonder of the world and the vastness of the universe
To be Loved unconditionally

Mother-In-Law Blues

Turkey go BOOOOOM

I’m trying to get ready for my mother-in-law’s visit in a week or so and not doing well. My house is a mess and under construction. My husband informs me that “she’ll want to clean” like it’s no big deal. He doesn’t understand that I’m now staring into the mouth of Hell. I don’t want her cleaning MY HOME. I don’t want her into MY THINGS. I can sense the judgmental comments crashing down on my like a tornado. Did I mention that rick has explained countless times that, “she has no tacked” LOVELY * sarcasm *

Not only will she be in my house, she’ll be staying in my personal space. The extra bed is in my art studio, which is the storage room for everything that’s mine – sewing, paperwork, music CDs, nick-knack collections, computer/printer, and all the various art supplies and projects I putter on. I feel like my privacy is about to be violated and I don’t know what to do.

I KNOW she’s Rick’s Mom, but I’ve only met her twice for like a few hours. To me she is a total stranger and I’m about to have her in my house with my daughter . . . alone. What’s to keep her from snooping in my personal drawers and such?

My Dad offered to totally gut and re-do my bathroom, which is pealing from the humidity, but I don’t see HOW we can get this done and finished before she gets here. I can feel my blood pressure shooting up. I’m tense and seeing stars. Any time now I’m going to loose it. I just know something will get said and I’ll react by taking my daughter to my mothers and not going home for a week. UGLY I’m trying to see if I can take time off, but I really REALLY can’t . . . I think *SIGH*

Oh, she also smokes . . .YA.

I’m not going to get through this well - I know it.

I HATE Thanksgiving . . . oh, how I hate it.

I'm Alive Still

Hello people who read my blog.

I am still alive after opening the shows this last week. They are the Woodbury Invitational featuring 5 artist and an exhibition of photographs about the Amazon. The Invitational runs through Feb. 2o and the Amazonia exhibit till Jan 16. After that it's the UVU student exhibit - which may or may not go over well. It's not supported by the Art department and frankly I don't care. That department is filled with poision people and life is better without them. The Arts at UVU are better with out them. I feel so bad for the students who are getting a crappy education because the faculty can't act like adults.

ANYWAY, after that we will rehang works in the Selections gallery - these are works from the permanent collection and long term loans. Then we will be down for a month while we get a new security system and new lighting grid *CHEER* after that is the Saltgrass prints exhibit for a month followed by Shaolin: Temple of Zen exhibit. It's about 100 photographs about the Monks at the Shaolin Temple in China. I'm please about this one because I did the ground work to bring it in. I do however think the title is a bit funny as Shaolin and Zen are different forms of Buddhist thought *shrug* ah well.

Other than that I'm getting ready for the holidays. I need to take down the Halloween decorations and put up Christmas. And clean my house before my mother in law comes for a week *sigh*. Oh well. Life is good though. Obama won, my daughter sleeps through the night, and i finished two paintings this last week. LIFE IS GOOD.

This Is Halloween

Here she is! Kathryn with her first haul of Halloween candy. She Trick-or-treated 3 blocks and fell asleep on the way home. Life is gooooooooooooooooooood!

Right to complain

Vote. I don't care who you are, but you should vote. I have been an Obama supporter since the beginning so Don't bother throwing Republican falsehoods at me about him. Perhaps the best article I've found that points out the truths about BOTH candidates is this THIS ONE

Got Hope? I do!

All the Thoughts of a Pumpkin

It is only 9 more days to Halloween the BEST day/night of the year. I have no idea what I'll be which is the opposite of my little bug. She has three costumes. Four if you count the onesy with the spider on it. This weekend will be pumpkin carving and such. I'm still trying to decide if she's old enough to trick-or-treat. I know she can't eat solid foods yet - let alone chocolate, but still who am I to deny her the delights of the night!?! Maybe I'll get Rick to come over to the mall and we'll trick-or-treat there and pick up a toy at the build a bear place. Though....... It may be a good excuse to just take a walk with her in the evening before handing out treats. OH oh oh I just thought of a great costume - a Democrat! we look like everyone else *giggle*

I got the most AMAZING package from Becky Weeks yesterday (Thanks Becky). Not only did she move to Texas, get breast cancer, come to Utah for treatment, have a double mastectomy, have various illnesses cuz her immune system is repressed, return to work (you know she's back logged) AND keep working on her novel, but she made me a beautiful scrapbook/photo album.

Incredible!!!

We also got pictures of the bug in frames from her aunt Kimi - who also had cancer and complications over the last few months. CRAZY.

Anyway, here is a new picture of Kathryn in an outfit given to her by Kathryn (my friend).

Kawaiiiiiiiiiiii

Humility means having canned goods and sleeping through the night.

It was fall break this last week. A number of lovely things happened. first is that my little bug slept through the night TWICE. *cheer* This also means that I got good sleep. course this didn't deture me from taking a four hour nap on sunday. The other lovely thing was that I now have a loveseat and a recliner rocker. This brings the 'Needs" to curtains in the front room. Of course there is a huge list that must happen before Thanksgiving when the relatives will be here.

Rick pulled up all my Halloween decorations this weekend from the basement. OH, we picked up pumpkins too. "Freeeeedom, Freemdomm, freedom". Decorating must happen this week and carving pumpkins. I love Halloween! Oh man I've got to pick up toys and candy and get the bags of fun made.

The only thing that was not good about this weekend was church. *makes a face* It was horrible. I've come to the conclusion that the spirit has left the building. Sacrument was loud and useless. I could plug my ears and STILL hear the speaker. Not that she was worth listening to. Her topic was humility, but she rambled on about anything but that and went over time! Apparently you must have food storage to be humble. My husband leaned over and said "so much about my students makes sense now." what he meant is that they don't stay on topic, ramble, and communicate poorly on top of having no sense of time. The ward choir was like listening to dogs in heat and the last speaker was a newly home missionary who went on and on about how great "numbers" are. *roll eyes* I told Rick that I give him less than a year or 2 before real life makes him bitter.

*sigh* I miss being spiritually feed at church. I really think I'm going to become more Buddhist than LDS. I get more out of it.

more pics and a promise to write later

Science Projects

Long time no post, but I have a good excuse and a note from my doctor.

I've been pregnant, however, I am not any more! I have experienced a whole new level of pain . . . EVIL Pain! My epidural wore off for the nasty part right at the end. I felt EVERYTHING! Kathryn will be an only child. A well loved, but only child. I could go off about things now with her around, like how the next most evil pain to birth is breast feeding. Thank Heaven for bottles and breast pumps. Then there is the lack of sleep . . . *hiss* BUT I won't.

Anyway, many of you have asked for pictures and I'll send stills of things upon request, but in the mean time enjoy this little video. Kathryn and I made it today for her Dad.

Turn your sound on.

long time

I haven't posted in a long long time. I think I'm just stretched thin. The Baby will be here in 4 - 5 weeks and I'm sooooo not ready. I have a long list of home improvements and stuff to buy.

My whole family will be here July 1 and will stay for a month. *sigh* I'm not getting much of a "summer vacation" though I did go to CA for a week in June. That was nice.

So that's it. I think I'll post a nice picture and call it good.

For Becky and Blue Slushies Everywhere

My sweet friend Becky has just gone into surgery for breast cancer. It’s a strange experience (but not my first with cancer and a loved one). Becky is a bright, loving and creative soul who is so grounded in spiritual and humanitarian things. She has just finished a lovely novel about an “ugly” fairy and the perils of convenience store slushies. She just got into a new job in a great metropolitan town and a new apartment. Having all this happen to her is tuff.

I wanted a nice poem to go with the painting that I’m posting. I wanted a poem and lovely art for my lovely friend Becky – This painting by Rossetti looks so much like my Dear Becky and the poem is actually the song “the Last Unicorn” because my friend is as rare and as majestic as the unicorn.



When the last eagle flies
Over the last crumbling mountains.
And the last lion roars
At the last dusty fountain.
In the shadow of the forest,
Though she may be old and worn,
They will stare unbelieving
At the last unicorn.

When the first breath of winter
Through the flowers is icing,
And you look to the north,
And a pale moon is rising.

And it seems like all is dying,
And would leave the world to mourn,
In the distance, hear the laughter
Of the last unicorn.

I'm alive!
I'm alive!

When the last moon is cast
Over the last star of morning.
And the future has past,
Without even a last desperate warning.
Then looking to the sky where
Through the clouds, a path is formed
You can see her
How she sparkles!
It's the last unicorn!

Well here is a cool science first! See Electron. see Electron go. Go Electron go . . . like the wind!

http://www.scientificblogging.com/news_releases/electron_caught_on_film_for_the_first_time

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

We’re All Black Listed, I Know It.

Soooooooooooo,
Another Library job goes to other people. I’m seriously reconsidering this career choice. But then I realize it isn’t just me and my chosen field it’s a lot of talented people loosing out to the “American Idols” of the world. What do I mean by that? I mean truly talented people are being passed up for the flashy looks and dance moves of the titillating.

Take my sister Kirsten, 20 + years experience teaching and working with young adults – by that I mean kids in the 10-13 age range (around 6th grade). She’s been a requested teacher, developed summer programming for years, and taught education in a college setting and now what? She’s waiting to see if she even has the “training” job now that Pfizer’s been bought out. That’s right she’s a glorified secretary like me for an organization not in her field. Apparently her experiences make her over qualified to be hired and then there is the fact that she doesn’t have calculus. Apparently if you can’t do calculus you can’t teach kids over 3rd grade (8years old). Cuz we all remember how difficult calculus was in 4th grade!
There are so many out there. I’ve come to understand that there is a section of the parable of the talents that must for hit the cutting room floor back in 300 AD. The part about the servant that takes his talents and cleans them up and heads out to share them with others; the servant that wants to increase them, and help others increase their talents too. But every time he tries he is turned away. “Your talents are not the kind I want” “You have to many talents”, or even “you aren't worth those talents” as they try to steel them and tell the world that the talents belong to the crook and not the honest man.

I often wonder why gives us talents and inspiration only to find ourselves unwanted and unneeded. What good is a maligned talent in the hands of someone who is loosing hope? Creativity turns out ugliness when abused by others/ the world.

What this means for me is that I’m not sure I want to work in a library anymore. I’m not sure I want to be a patron of libraries. Having spent 3 years being turned away I’m saying enough – UNCLE! I’m not sure what to do, but I’m sure a hell not going to do it in a library.