“Listen, here's what I think. I think that we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think... we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create... and who we include.” Father Henri - Chocolat
These words came to mind with poignancy this weekend. Why is that? No, it wasn’t the Christmas season, but the act of denying my daughter’s father his right to hold her during a blessing. He is not a member of the Mormon Church and as such doesn't “hold the Priesthood”. Because of this he was “unworthy” to hold his daughter while my father (her grandfather) gave her a blessing. In one unchristian act a man “acting with the authority of God” wounded my husbands heart and undid all my years of trying to help my husband come to love the Gospel of Christ as put forth in the LDS church.“Don’t bother sending missionaries – ever” he said and “I thought when we got married I wouldn’t have a problem raising our children LDS, but now . . . “ Thanks to one Pharisee who was so compelled to follow the rule book instead of doing what was right, my family has been hurt. I can’t help but agree with my husband, however, what kind of a Christian church excludes the father of an innocent child! It is interesting that we – who let Kathryn be blessed for her sake – were the more Christian party in this whole thing. All he waned to do was HOLD HER ON HIS LAP! Instead they held her in a circle and bounced her so she cried and fussed the whole time.
I’m taking a break from going to church; not that I was terribly active to begin with, but when a wound is struck in the name of Christ, a wound that was wrong, that wound bleeds ever so much more and I don’t need to rub salt in it.
4 comments:
I just found your blog through FMH. I hope you've forgiven this incident. I see how it was hurtful and should have been better thought-out, but just remember that the gospel itself is the most important thing in the world and can bring eternal happiness to us, but the people who proclaim to be living the gospel aren't always perfect. How would you feel if you made a choice that hurt somebody, and they said, "Well, she's a Christian, so I guess I now hate all Christians?" All the best to you and your cute family!
I'm so sad for you. That kind of anal uncharitable act is one of those cultural idiocies you come across sometimes in church that drive me mad. I wish I had found you sooner, 'cause I would have told you that you can have your babies blessed at home and then he probably would have been able to hold her. On the other hand, while nice, a blessing is not necessary. And while he doesn't hold the priesthood, I see nothing wrong with him laying his hands on his daughter's head and giving her a father's blessing in a little ceremony of your own.
And I should have added that while you're having your own ceremony, you lay your hands on her head and give her a mother's blessing. I give my children mother's blessings frequently, because I believe strongly in the power of mothers, and that I have the God given right to do that for my children. (That's not said to lessen or bash the power of fathers or the Priesthood.)
Thanks for the support. The blessing was in our home and I think that's what made it worse. I felt totally violated. The big problem is I live in Utah valley and everyone has said "the church is better outside of Utah" and I have to agree. Too many fish in the bowl and the water has gotten nasty.
At this point my daughter is being raised generic Christian and I'll let her choose for herself when older.
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